There’s no doubt about it, the attitude we adopt during a breakup will really guide our emotions, actions and recovery time.
Some of us view our breakup as a blessing, others see it as a curse. And most people are somewhere in between.
Getting real, staying positive
I’m not writing this post in the expectation that we all start skipping around the neighbourhood and singing in delight at our newly-found freedom (although that’s fine if you feel inclined to do so). And you don’t have to pretend you’re okay when you’re struggling. But a positive mindset is going to be your best friend to get you through this sticky patch and set you up for success in your new life.
When I say positive, I mean being proactive and recognising there are good things about your current situation.
Top tips for a positive mindset during tough times
Here are a few ideas to help you live on the bright side:
1. Take an action-orientated approach – what steps can you take right now to move forward with your new life? What can you do to create the life you want? What practicalities do you need to organise the shift from the old to the new?
2. Focus on what is within your control – putting time or effort into matters and issues that are beyond your sphere of influence will not help you move forward. It will just make you feel disempowered, overwhelmed or frustrated. Instead, focus solely on the things you can control, do and think, and give your precious energy to them.
3. Look forwards – reminiscing and reflecting on the past will not help you move ahead. By all means take the lessons you have learnt from your experiences, but don’t dwell on what was. Instead, dwell on what will be (the good stuff!).
4. Gratitude is key – right now you may be feeling sad, angry or lost. This is common during and after a breakup. But even in a sea of grey, you can dig for the gold. What do you have to be grateful for right now? These things may be simply a friend’s kindness, sunshine, healthy food or a smile from a stranger. It might be newfound freedom and opportunities. Or perhaps it’s feeling thankful for your strength and tenacity to get through this. Reflect on the things you are grateful for each day and write a list – it will counteract the negativity and give you a better mindset.
5. Create a future vision – think about all the things you can do in your life now and start making a plan. How would you like your days and weeks to look? What steps can you take right now to make those days a reality? Then take the first steps and do it.
6. Personal growth – this time and coming months are a great opportunity for personal growth. I recently heard the term “positively selfish”, meaning you have the time and freedom right now to invest in yourself. That may mean self-care through eating right, mixing with positive people, mindfulness and getting creative. It could also mean taking a course or starting a new hobby. Or perhaps travelling to new places, or somewhere that fills up your emotional cup. Whatever personal growth means for you, make the most of this “solo time” and do make the most of it. This growth period will set you up for future fulfilment and happiness.
7. Seek help if you need it – if your sadness or overwhelm are getting too much, seek help from a professional – your GP, a counsellor, a naturopath or others who can help you get back on track.
A final message
Breakups are challenging, and often a time of sadness and anger. But if you can replace the down times with the ideas in this post, I can guarantee life will feel better. So try and keep your breakup glass half full, and make a commitment to emerge from this with positivity, vision and hope.
Are you ready for a new beginning?
Fresh Start For Me is a 10-week online program that’s specifically designed to support you to move onwards and upwards after divorce and separation. It’s simple, effective and affordable. To learn more or join the program, please click here.